Just Thinking: Gracious Gab

Just Thinking: Gracious Gab: Do you know any irreverent people? The kind of people who take every opportunity to insult others regardless of the occasion, yet somehow ...

Gracious Gab

Do you know any irreverent people?  The kind of people who take every opportunity to insult others regardless of the occasion, yet somehow manage to remain oblivious to the hurt they may have caused.  Albeit, if you draw their attention to the unkind remark you’re likely to hear these remarks, “You are too touchy/sensitive.” or “You take yourself too seriously.” or “I was just joking.” How do we protect ourselves from these people, while maintaining our sanity and good graces?  Since slapping them is not an option, and we can’t sever some relationships altogether, we will follow the Bible in using ‘gracious words’ with our abrasive friends (and family).

We must be mindful that there is impersonal communication (when we treat people like objects with no feelings) and interpersonal communication (sharing information in a respectful manner).  In his epistle to the Colossians St. Paul said, “Be gracious in your speech.  The goal is to bring out the best in others in a conversation, not put them down, not cut them out.” (Colossians 4:6 The Message).  Insults and direct confrontation do not bring out the best in others; as a matter of fact they do the opposite.  Before we can effectively handle the situation, we must first know ourselves – does a certain topic stir a particular sensitivity within us?  Next, we must know the person – is he/she always condescending or is this out of character?  Lastly, we need to know us – the person and ourselves along with the dynamics of the relationship.  Only when we acknowledge things for what they are, can we truly rectify them. Below are some ways we can rectify our relationships with insulters:

·         Speak your truth.  Tell the insulter that you are not comfortable with the constant jabs and would appreciate if he/she could stop.  At this time you will hear how sensitive you are or that they were only joking; you will then inform him/her that it has nothing to do with sensitivity and even if it did, he/she should respect your wishes.

·         Don’t take it personally.  The insulter’s words were not a result of anything you did.  Matthew 15:18 tells us, “But these things which proceed out of the mouth come from the heart and they defile a man.”  An unhappy person’s mission is to make everyone around him/her unhappy.  A person’s words say more about them than they do about you, so don’t take their words personally.

·         Lead by example.  Your own communication with others should leave them feeling good about themselves by speaking honestly and sincerely.  Even jokes can be clean and in good spirits.  The insulters in your life may even learn from your actions.

When all else fails, minimize contact with the insulter.  If this is a relationship that can be severed, do it. A healthy self-concept (identity plus self-esteem) knows what to expect from oneself and what to accept from others . . . I’m just thinking.

Just Thinking: New Year, New You!

Just Thinking: New Year, New You!: As we are poised to enter 2012, we do so [as we have done in the past] with great anticipation and a list of resolutions. Resolutions don’...

New Year, New You!

As we are poised to enter 2012, we do so [as we have done in the past] with great anticipation and a list of resolutions.  Resolutions don’t have to be as hard on us as they sometimes are, if instead we consider them lifestyle changes.  Abigail Van Buren said, “Change is an undo-it-yourself project.”  In order to pursue effective lifestyle change, it is necessary to undo some of the habits that currently keep us from reaching our full potential.

C - Conscious decision.  We need to make a conscious decision to undo the pattern of behavior which is causing us dis-ease.  When we make this decision it entails being brutally honest about the losses and gains which will come along with it. 

H - Help. We should get help (don’t be ashamed to ask) from friends, mentors or trusted individuals.  A trusted person can hold us accountable to our commitment, while giving encouragement (and criticism) as needed.

A - Allowance. We must always make allowance for hindrances.  Whenever we ‘suffer’ a setback there is no benefit in beating ourselves up; instead recognize that undoing a habit will take time and along with setbacks come solutions.

N - Negotiate. We must negotiate the best way to make this change.  We may need to find a way around, over or under the obstacle, by looking at the failures of the old strategies and identifying new ones.

G - Give it your all. When we have identified new strategies to ‘undoing’ our old habit, we approach our mission whole-heartedly.  Doubts and negative thinking take away from our commitment and diminishes our commitment.

 E - Execute.We must execute our plan with the confidence that we are one step nearer to our goal.

 Although change is the only constant in life, it can be challenging at times.  However, we press on toward our goal even if it means faltering many times – we never give up. 

I'm just thinking . . .