She Ain't Heavy, She's My Sistah

The words of the 1969 hit ‘He ain’t heavy, he’s my brother’ came to mind as I listened to a colleague share some of her most intimate and personal trials with me at 2:54 am.  Yes, I wanted to sleep, but it felt as though I were fulfilling my purpose by being there for her to call.  Do you have someone you can call at 2:00am?  Too often, we as women don’t value the friendships God has placed in our lives.

The songs begins, “The road is long with many a winding turn that leads to who knows where” – singlehood, marriage, pregnancy, divorce, death of parents, illness – which will test our friendships.  Do you have a sistah with whom you can navigate the long road with its myriad winding turns?  A sistah is:

·         S – someone

·         I – indelibly

·         S – sewn

·         T – to

·         A – another’s

·         H – heart

Being a sistah does not necessitate an adjective like a good friend or a genuine person – the word itself embodies all those adjectives.  When one person is indelibly sewn/attached to another, there is no room for gossip, pettiness, jealousy or competition.  A sistah is not afraid to tell you what she thinks in a loving manner, and knows when to just sit and cry with you.  She knows it’s not always necessary to say or do the right thing, but that sometimes just a hug will do.  So, why do we support shows that promote woman-on-woman crime?  Some reality shows tell us that it’s okay to cut each other down in order to build ourselves up.  Recently, an African-American teenager broke a record at the 2012 Olympics in London and her accomplishment took second place to her hair on websites across the country.  What made me agonizingly sick is that African-American women [like herself] were championing the onslaught.  At times like this, you need a sistah to share a good cry, a side-splitting laugh, a heartfelt prayer, an appropriate silence or a bowl of ice-cream (okay, that’s me); but you get the idea.   Proverbs 18:24 tells us, “Friends come and friends go, but a true friend (sistah) sticks to you like family.” (The Message)

Do you have a group of sistahs?  Are you a sistah?  We are supposed to bear each other up in good and bad times -  no, she ain't heavey, she's my sistah. 

Become a sistah today . . . I'm just thinking.

Life Is Fragile

Very rarely am I at a loss for words, but over the past week I have truly been speechless.  The senselessness of the shootings in Aurora, Colorado have left me pondering on the fragility of life and whether we are safe anywhere.  As optimistic as I am, it pains me to think of the frequency of these mass murders which seem to take place every time we listen to the news.  My heart bled when I heard the stories of some survivors and how they watched others die beside them. What is the lesson for us who are left behind?  I don’t know which lessons you have gleaned, however, I will attempt to list the ones I have learned below:

·         Life is fragile so handle with prayer.  Every time you leave your home may be the last time you walk through those doors, so pray that God’s presence be with you.

·         Tell your loved ones how much you love them.  Yes, this may seem mushy, but let them know how much you appreciate them (even the teenagers who don’t want to show affection) and often – because if you’re taken from them unexpectedly, they know how much you loved them.

·         Treat others with kindness.  When we are kind to others, we acknowledge them as being worthy of respect and also God’s handiwork.  It may be your last opportunity to do so.

All in all, nobody wins in a situation like this.  The alleged murderer and his family feel as much pain as the victims and their families.  It has been said that hurt people hurt other people, and it is my prayer that we are able to help some hurt people heal whenever the opportunity presents itself. 

I was just thinking . . .

The Examined Life

Socrates, the father of Western Philosophy was always in the pursuit of knowledge. One of his more popular quotes, “The unexamined life is not worth living” can be debated for hours on end. To my mind, it means a life which is not evaluated from time to time lacks room for improvement and growth, resulting in an aimless journey thus ultimately wasted on the person living such life. This is not a new phenomenon, even the prophet Jeremiah told the people of Israel, “Let us take a good look at the way we are living and reorder our lives under God”, Lamentations 3:40 The Message paraphrase.  Within recent times, Don Miguel Ruiz in his book The Four Agreements (and more recently, The Fifth Agreement with his son Don Jose Ruiz) gave us some pointers for evaluating our lives.

It is interesting to note that the premise of these books is to make agreements with ourselves; after all, we are responsible for nobody else but ourselves.  It is a practical way to ‘examine’ our lives and making the necessary adjustments. The agreements are:

·         Be impeccable with your word – speaking with integrity and saying only what you mean.

·         Don’t take anything personally – nothing others do is because of you.

·         Don’t make assumptions – finding the courage to ask questions and communicating your expectations.

·         Always be your best – under any circumstance, do your best (which will change from time to time i.e. sick or healthy, employed or unemployed etc.)

·         Be skeptical, but learn to listen – don’t believe yourself or anyone else by using your power of discernment to get at the truth.

If we take the time to examine our lives from time to time, I believe we can live authentic lives. I was just thinking . . .

 

Reading - The Endangered Species

It’s that time of year – end of school for millions of children.  Will your children be reading any good books this summer?  Appreciation of literature is now becoming an endangered genus. Today’s generation does not enjoy reading and by extension, cannot recognize the value of literature.  Research has found that over two hundred thousand hours are spent viewing television or being exposed to some form of electronic media [or gadgets] from age five to eighteen (A Balanced Use of Educational Media). In the present culture electronic media has become an excellent baby-sitter both at home and in the classroom. Parents use it while they perform domestic duties and teachers use it while they carry out administrative tasks.

As technology improves, parts of the minds of this generation deteriorate, in large part because of lack of use. Constant bombardment of electronic gadgets creates a passive existence which requires little thinking, if any at all. Humans were made after God’s image and likeness – a little lower than the angels, with the ability to think critically and to reason. Parents can nurture this ability in their children by reading – both reading to them and with them. Reading aloud to children has been called the single most important activity for building the knowledge required for success in and love of reading. Reading aloud, with children participating actively, helps children learn new words, learn more about the world and see the connection between words that are spoken and words that are written (Ambruster, Lehr and Osborn).

As grateful as we are for electronic gadgets, they have their place. That place is not to usurp reading, but to complement it. We risk a generation that does not understand various types of writings if we fail to act now.  Please encourage your child to read!

References –

"A Balanced Use of Educational Media." Liberty University, 2007.

Ambruster, Bonie, Fran Lehr and Jean Osborn. "A Child Becomes a Reader." National Institute for Literacy 2003: 8.

Choices, Choices, Choices!

As I sat reading Robert Frost’s poem The Road Not Taken its symbolism was not lost on me.  I was once again reminded that life if filled with choices.  As a matter of fact, it is impossible to live life without having to make choices; one cannot not choose – everything undertaken in life involves choice; choices can be as quotidian as what to have for breakfast; as traumatic as whether or not to cease life support to an ailing spouse or as eternal as whether to accept Jesus Christ as Lord and Savior – either way, choices must be made and the effects on generations to come cannot be denied.  Right now I am exercising the choice to write this piece instead of taking a nap on this peaceful day.  

However, some choices are more critical to our survival than writing or taking naps (as important as they are).  In  this poem the traveler stands confused looking at both roads as they lay [equally] before him – both able to take him from his present situation, symbolically characteristic of myriad temptations placed before Christians on a day to day basis appearing similar to God’s way. To the reader (Christian or non-Christian) the allegorical thread beneath this fine work is evident in all stanzas – consider all aspects of the choices presented before making a decision. When faced with a decision, as humans, the natural inclination throughout the ages is to wonder “what if” and, more so after we have made it. This inclination comes from our need for certainty and predictability; the reality of this poem is still evident today in many working mothers who question their decision to work outside the home many years after the children have grown up. The poet does not disregard this human frailty, but embraces the inclination taking the readers along on this obscure journey of decision-making with choices that appear so alike.

It's my belief that when faced with a decision, we are to prayerfully consider the alternatives and faithfully make the decision. (I say faithfully becuase we must believe we've made the right choice.) While one must make choices carefully, here lies the paradox – one cannot be too hard on oneself by constantly questioning the decision which has already been made.  So, do your best and let God do the rest . . . I’m just thinking.

We've Lost that Loving Feeling

This is an election year in the USA and as political pundits and candidates take to the airwaves to convince the electorate, I am saddened by the vitriol with which the messages are delivered.

Alfred Adler’s Individual Psychology Theory postulates that people are born with weak, inferior bodies which cause them to have feelings of inferiority, thus making them dependent on others. He also suggests that a feeling of unity with others (social interest) is innate, and as such is the summit for psychological health. In an effort to protect the human’s fragile self-esteem (emanating from the feelings of inferiority), Adler believed that people developed patterns of coping or Safeguarding Techniques.

On the surface, Adler’s theory appears to compare favorably with Christianity on two levels:

·       The sense of community – as seen throughout the Bible, a sense of community – social feeling/community feeling (gemeinschaftsgefuhl) is very important. The early church is a perfect example of this, the book of Acts states that the believers assembled together for prayer and fellowship. We also know that they sold their goods and shared the proceeds.

·       The search for perfection – his teleology stresses that future goals motivate present behavior. Although the Bible does not teach that Christ’s followers can become perfect, it does however, embrace striving for improved relationships with God and fellow believers. Paul says it best in Philippians 3:13-14; the goal being not perfection, but the prize of the upward call of God in Christ.

However, if we want to continue calling ourselves a Christian nation, then the way in which we treat the least among us is in need of an overhaul.  It appears to me that even as one possesses great wealth one can still possess a fragile self-esteem with a penchant to demean others.  It is sad that our public discourse cannot be on a level where we can respectfully disagree without name calling and deprecation.  As the Righteous Brothers sang years ago, “You’ve [We’ve] lost that loving feeling.” 

As a Christian nation, let’s try to regain that loving feeling before it’s gone.  We can do this by reinstating that sense of community and searching for a more ‘perfect’ way to hold our public discourse as we strive for a better nation.

I’m just thinking . . . have we really lost that loving feeling?

Got Peace?

There are numerous definitions to peace, but the one I like the most is “Freedom from disquieting thoughts and feelings.”  For purposes of this post, this definition will frame our discussion.  The Apostle Paul told the church at Philippi that if they ceased from worrying, they would experience the peace of God which transcends all understanding and it will guard their hearts and minds (Philippians 4: 4-9).  This peace as described by Paul frees us from disquieting thoughts and feelings – it allows us to be authentic beings.  This is the kind of peace that knows beyond a shadow of a doubt that God is all and in all.

Today people are searching for peace (although some may not know what they’re searching for) and try to replace it with prestige, pleasure, prosperity, position and popularity.  However, all the peas in the pod count for naught if there is no peace.  Another word being thrown around is – platform.  I often hear people say, “If I had a platform, I would do such and such.”  Sometimes I say to some, “You already have a platform – your life – make it count by living authentically for what you believe in.”  After saying this, some eyes would drop, others will fill with tears and upon subsequent probing I would realize that what they really want is prestige or popularity not a platform.

Please understand that nothing is wrong with prestige, popularity, prosperity or any high position, however, we can better affect others if we are at peace with ourselves.  Peace coupled with anything is like the spice which gives a dish that special umph.  I dare to propose that we all have a platform with each encounter we have with others.  A platform – an opportunity to declare our principles – can be seen each time we treat others with respect, or we stand up for justice or we accept people for who they are and what they bring to the table.  Some of us may not reach thousands, but if we authentically and consistently reach those we are in contact with, God will multiply our efforts and even broaden our platform. 

Malcolm Forbes said it best, “You can judge the character of a man by the way he treats others who can do nothing for him.”   I believe that unless we are at peace with ourselves, we cannot treat others in a respectful manner – both those who can do something for us and those who cannot.
Got peace? I’m just thinking . . .