Forging Friendships

Proverbs 18:24, “Friends come and go, but a true friend sticks by you like family.” (Message Paraphrase) Who are your friends, or dare I ask, do you have friends?  Webster’s dictionary defines a friend as a person who one knows well and is fond of.  A big grin crept across my face as I read the definition, because there are many people I know well yet not fond of and vice versa.  Albeit, I’m very happy to say that there are a few people whom I know very well and am blissfully fond of.  Take a moment to think of persons you consider as friends and try to identify what made you friends.  I am not speaking about Facebook friends – some of which you’re neither fond of nor know well.  If asked the favorite color or food or some basic likes and dislikes of some of our myriad Facebook friends, many of us would be lost for words – we don’t know them well.

In his book Making Friends and Making Them Count, Dr. Em Griffin says that friendship is not an option for humans, but a mandate from God.  Let’s be honest, we were created for companionship.  Genesis 2:18 says, “The Lord God said, ‘It is not good for man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.”  Seventeenth-century philosopher Francis Bacon noted two positive outcomes of friendship: “It redoubleth joys and cutteth griefs in half.” If one is blessed to find real friendship in this lifetime, truly one’s joys would be doubled and their griefs halved.  Some friendships even grow into marriages and others disintegrate along the way, but every friendship should be appreciated for what it brings to our lives. 

Like anything else, there are different types of friendships.  Aristotle made the differentiation among three types of friendship:

·         ‘Friendship’ based on utility – such as eager, upbeat people in business cultivating each other to improve the bottom line.

·         ‘Friendship’ based on pleasure- like young people interested in partying or sports.

·         ‘Perfect friendship’ – based on true admiration for another’s good character.

The philosopher categorized the first two as ‘qualified and superficial’ because they are founded on flimsy circumstances. The last he considered to be more fulfilling than the other two. As qualified and superficial as the first two types of friendship may be, I consider them to be necessary.  In addition to Aristotle’s categories of friendship, Drs. Les and Leslie Parrott offer another – the transitory friendship.  These friendships are like cowboys who ride herd together for miles, sharing both dusty perils and round-the-campfire coffee. We all have friendships that come to their natural end. Not because of discontent or lack of interest, but simply because the road has run out. We hit the end of the trail together and it’s time to move on to other things, other companies of men (Parrott & Parrott, 1998). 

            Altogether, friendship is a necessary part of life and in order to have good friends one must be a good friend.  One good way to cultivate joy-doubling friendships is to get REAL.

·         R – Relate honestly with others by sharing snapshots of your past so they better understand who you are today.

·         E – Emotions.  It is okay to show pain, joy, fear and any other emotion you’re feeling.

·         A – Affection.  Genuine displays of affection are comforting especially during challenging times.

·         L – Liberality.  An attitude of open-mindedness sets the stage for you and your friends to understand each other.

In today’s health-crazed society, the best vitamin for friendship is B1.  Are you a good friend? I’m just thinking . . .